The Hard Lessons of Forgiveness

In this week's SMC; Elena Feick reflects on forgiveness, see also her own powerful testimony on her conversion to Catholicism. In Search of God, a short film from Pluscarden Abbey, St Drostan and more

"Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us."

Forgiveness is one of those teachings of Christianity that at first glance deceptively appears easy. Surely we forgive people every day - our parents for their mistakes, our siblings for our rivalries, our children for their misbehaviours. Friends for unintended slights.

But what about the murderer, the rapist, the child molester, the abuser, the thief, the arsonist - what about the criminal? So often when we read a story of some horrendous crime committed against an innocent party, our rage is kindled against the perpetrator. And naturally so.

Just read the comments sections on any of these articles and you'll see a plethora of posts calling down retribution and judgement on those who have committed these crimes. As a society we naturally tend towards the 'an eye for an eye' type of system.

It is easy to forgive a simple mistep, but to forgive someone who has put you on the cross...  To forgive the person who has crucified someone you love, who has scourged the innocence from the life of a child or who has caused harm beyond our ability to repair.... That kind of forgiveness and mercy must rely on a supernatural grace.

When someone I loved greatly was sexually assaulted years ago, I struggled with forgiveness. I ran into a person who had supported the perpetrator over my loved one and I felt the wish to do violence on her, even though I have never been a violent person. I wasn't sure I could ever forgive these people, the abuser or his supporters.

I found it most difficult to forgive because the crime wasn't against me but against someone I loved, and I felt like even attempting to forgive the crime would somehow take away from my support of and love for the victim. I felt I would first need her permission to forgive what had been done, after all, against her and not me.

I don't think it ever gets easy. But then someone explained to me that forgiving does not mean forgetting and it does not mean saying that what happened is "OK", especially when it was a crime that can never be OK. Forgiving means to love, to will the good of the person who hurt you. As the ultimate good for any human person is heaven, sometimes just by praying for the salvation of the person who hurt us can help us to forgive them.

Despite this learning and practice of mercy, which did help me grow as a Christian, I still find that forgiveness is at times a process I can struggle with. It's not enough to simply say that I forgive someone - I have to mean it. I have to want heaven to include the person who hurt me. Just as Jesus wants heaven to include us who Crucified Him. 

Is there anyone you are struggling to forgive in your life? Forgiveness doesn't mean the hurt caused will vanish - like Our Lord, we will still bear wounds - but it can change those wounds into a means for our sanctification. 

If you struggle with forgiveness, I might suggest praying for the grace to forgive. Like the old prayer “Jesus, I love thee, help me to love thee more and more." we could pray, "Jesus, I forgive them. Help me to forgive them more completely. Help me to desire their good."

With the feast day of St Maria Goretti just past, let us pray for the radical grace to forgive as she who forgave her murderer whilst on her deathbed. Let us pray to desire that those who have harmed us the most will one day be with us in heaven.

Elena Feick is originally from Ontario Canada but moved to Scotland four and a half years ago. She enjoys rosary making and writing music. She currently resides in Paisley.

From Wicca to Catholicism: Paisley-Canadian resident and new regular contributor to this newsletter, Elena Feick, gives an interview about her unique conversion.

Origins and Meaning: Bishop Hugh Gilbert in this article from 2013 writes on the origins of Monasticism and of course on St Benedict himself whose Feast day is the 11th July. See also here; a short 12 minute video following Br Simons journey from M.A in Management at Warsaw University to Monk at Pluscarden Abbey.

Suffering and Not Losing Faith: Even when thing appear to have fallen apart don’t give up, there is hope! Hannah Vaughan-Spruce writes in Jericho Tree.

The Complementary Saints: The connection between St Therese and St Benedict and what that has to teach us.

Challenging Ourselves: If someone asked you; “are you racist?” You would probably reply no! But there is such a thing as Implicit Bias. In this article from Busted Halo we look at some tools to challenge ourselves, and truly ask - am I a racist?

St Drostan

From Eric and the team, Gods Blessing!